Comments on: The closer you get to God http://sajakkini.blogsome.com/2005/05/25/the-closer-you-get-to-god/ Sajakkini Thu, 10 Dec 2009 17:31:09 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=1.5.1-alpha by: illuminuz http://sajakkini.blogsome.com/2005/05/25/the-closer-you-get-to-god/#comment-119 Thu, 13 Oct 2005 03:59:15 +0100 http://sajakkini.blogsome.com/2005/05/25/the-closer-you-get-to-god/#comment-119 I was brought up by my christian aunt, and though she never forced me into christianity it was always a happy atmosphere when raya or christmas was round the corner, and she made sure I puasa during ramadhan..I grew up not knowing Islam (only what i learned in school) and i was confused, so I never prayed, both my parents never thought me how (or instilled that I needed to) so i spend my days like any other clueless teenager; partying too much. My parents were divorced and I was often blamed for it, not pretty or smart to begin with, I blamed God. Jumping from one home to another, each side (mom and dads) would have something to say and they'll drill into my brain just to make me miserable than I already was with accusations after accusations. The amount of "If only's.." that I muttered over the years only brought on sadness, loneliness and confusion. I never wanted anything more but to die. But in retrospect, i had tons of friends. Well, if you can call partying buddies friends, that is. Then something happened. My beloved aunt who took care of me so lovingly after my family broke apart, fell ill and eventually died. I was so lost, more than I've ever been. Then I remembered that I had a 'Mari Belajar Sembahyang' book stashed somewhere in my room, and I started to pray (when she was first diagnosed with cancer)..it was tough, trying to understand the doa's, bacaan, turutan, at times I had to do it step by step, with the book spread open before me with tears in my eyes because i'd sometimes forget what was the bacaan during ruku' or at the tahiyat akhir. But Alhamdulillah, I managed to get it after all. She passed away anyways; despite of my non-stop doa's to lenghten her stay here on earth. A selfish thing to do, yes. But i was too scared to lose a mother and a father all at once. She was my entire world. Just as I was still in mourning, desperately trying to pick up my life, my younger brother passed away in his sleep. He was suffering from Polio since birth and would fall ill every other month until his body could not take it anymore. Ya Allah..Maha Besar Dugaanmu. I cried until I had no more tears. I slept only when my body could no longer hold up. And during this troubled and traumatic ordeal, i questioned His actions. Why? Why torment me after having such a horrible childhood, the family fights and 'perebutan harta' amongst greedy family members, 2 deaths just 3 months from each other, I was ready to throw in the towel. To go back to being the bad girl, drown my sorrows in alcohol and give up.Just wait for death to find me. But Maha Suci Allah, I found strenght I never thought i had. I prayed and ask for strenght, to ask for forgiveness and just peace in my soul. That I could let go of the dead, so that I can at long last LIVE. A proper life, a life of 'kesederhanaan'. Something that I thought was unlikely for someone with my history. And Alhamdulillah, I have seen a glimpse of it, and yes...it brings me peace. Im more at peace with myself now. I do not turn to my past life and I 'jaga' my halal and harams..(Insya-Allah)..Although I have not yet worn a hijab, nor can i fully recite the Quran and its meanings, I am still learning. And happy to do it. But yes, I lost so many of my 'friends'. So many people think I've gone weird. When i mention i would one day wear a hijab people cringe and ask "Whyyy???". It was terribly lonely at first and I asked one of my friends if she felt the way I did when she decided to turn to Islam and leave her past behind, She said "Yes, once you decide to embrace Islam, its teachings, its way of life..You'll have less and less friends, and yes it will be hard but know that those are not your real friends,the real friends are those who remind you to solat and talk about Islam and share knowledge and stories about the prophets." How true. Though my friday and saturday nights are uneventful and mundane, I am at peace. At least my soul is...and I'm happy. Finally, I'm home. - I was brought up by my christian aunt, and though she never forced me into christianity it was always a happy atmosphere when raya or christmas was round the corner, and she made sure I puasa during ramadhan..I grew up not knowing Islam (only what i learned in school) and i was confused, so I never prayed, both my parents never thought me how (or instilled that I needed to) so i spend my days like any other clueless teenager; partying too much. My parents were divorced and I was often blamed for it, not pretty or smart to begin with, I blamed God. Jumping from one home to another, each side (mom and dads) would have something to say and they’ll drill into my brain just to make me miserable than I already was with accusations after accusations. The amount of “If only’s..” that I muttered over the years only brought on sadness, loneliness and confusion. I never wanted anything more but to die. But in retrospect, i had tons of friends. Well, if you can call partying buddies friends, that is. Then something happened. My beloved aunt who took care of me so lovingly after my family broke apart, fell ill and eventually died. I was so lost, more than I’ve ever been. Then I remembered that I had a ‘Mari Belajar Sembahyang’ book stashed somewhere in my room, and I started to pray (when she was first diagnosed with cancer)..it was tough, trying to understand the doa’s, bacaan, turutan, at times I had to do it step by step, with the book spread open before me with tears in my eyes because i’d sometimes forget what was the bacaan during ruku’ or at the tahiyat akhir. But Alhamdulillah, I managed to get it after all.

She passed away anyways; despite of my non-stop doa’s to lenghten her stay here on earth. A selfish thing to do, yes. But i was too scared to lose a mother and a father all at once. She was my entire world. Just as I was still in mourning, desperately trying to pick up my life, my younger brother passed away in his sleep. He was suffering from Polio since birth and would fall ill every other month until his body could not take it anymore.

Ya Allah..Maha Besar Dugaanmu. I cried until I had no more tears. I slept only when my body could no longer hold up. And during this troubled and traumatic ordeal, i questioned His actions. Why? Why torment me after having such a horrible childhood, the family fights and ‘perebutan harta’ amongst greedy family members, 2 deaths just 3 months from each other, I was ready to throw in the towel. To go back to being the bad girl, drown my sorrows in alcohol and give up.Just wait for death to find me.

But Maha Suci Allah, I found strenght I never thought i had. I prayed and ask for strenght, to ask for forgiveness and just peace in my soul. That I could let go of the dead, so that I can at long last LIVE. A proper life, a life of ‘kesederhanaan’. Something that I thought was unlikely for someone with my history. And Alhamdulillah, I have seen a glimpse of it, and yes…it brings me peace. Im more at peace with myself now. I do not turn to my past life and I ‘jaga’ my halal and harams..(Insya-Allah)..Although I have not yet worn a hijab, nor can i fully recite the Quran and its meanings, I am still learning. And happy to do it.

But yes, I lost so many of my ‘friends’. So many people think I’ve gone weird. When i mention i would one day wear a hijab people cringe and ask “Whyyy???”. It was terribly lonely at first and I asked one of my friends if she felt the way I did when she decided to turn to Islam and leave her past behind, She said “Yes, once you decide to embrace Islam, its teachings, its way of life..You’ll have less and less friends, and yes it will be hard but know that those are not your real friends,the real friends are those who remind you to solat and talk about Islam and share knowledge and stories about the prophets.”

How true. Though my friday and saturday nights are uneventful and mundane, I am at peace. At least my soul is…and I’m happy.

Finally, I’m home.
-

]]> by: illuminuz http://sajakkini.blogsome.com/2005/05/25/the-closer-you-get-to-god/#comment-118 Thu, 13 Oct 2005 03:53:50 +0100 http://sajakkini.blogsome.com/2005/05/25/the-closer-you-get-to-god/#comment-118 I was brought up by my christian aunt, and though she never forced me into christianity it was always a happy atmosphere when raya or christmas was round the corner..I grew up not knowing Islam (only what i learned in school) and i was confused, so I never prayed, both my parents never thought me how (or instilled that I needed to) so i spend my days like any other clueless teenager; partying too much. My parents were divorced and I was often blamed for it, not pretty or smart to begin with, I blamed God. Jumping from one home to another, each side (mom and dads) would have something to say and they'll drill into my brain just to make me miserable than I already was with accusations after accusations. The amount of "If only's.." that I muttered over the years only brought on sadness, loneliness and confusion. I never wanted anything more but to die. But in retrospect, i had tons of friends. Well, if you can call partying buddies friends, that is. Then something happened. My beloved aunt who took care of me so lovingly after my family broke apart, fell ill and eventually died. I was so lost, more than I've ever been. Then I remembered that I had a 'Mari Belajar Sembahyang' book stashed somewhere in my room, and I started to pray (when she was first diagnosed with cancer)..it was tough, trying to understand the doa's, bacaan, turutan, at times I had to do it step by step, with the book spread open before me with tears in my eyes because i'd sometimes forget what was the bacaan during ruku' or at the tahiyat akhir. But Alhamdulillah, I managed to get it after all. She passed away anyways, despite of my non-stop doa's to lenghten her stay here on earth. A selfish thing to do, yes. But i was too scared to lose a mother and a father all at once. She was my entire world. Just as I was still in mourning, desperately trying to pick up my life, my younger brother passed away in his sleep. He was suffering from Polio since birth and would fall ill every other month until his body could not take it anymore. Ya Allah..Maha Besar Dugaanmu. I cried until I had no more tears. I slept only when my body could no longer hold up. And during this troubled and traumatic ordeal, i questioned His actions. Why? Why torment me after having such a horrible childhood, the family fights and 'perebutan harta' amongst greedy family members, 2 deaths just 3 months from each other, I was ready to throw in the towel. To go back to being the bad girl, drown my sorrows in alcohol and give up.Just wait for death to find me. But Maha Suci Allah, I found strenght I never thought i had. I prayed and ask for strenght, to ask for forgiveness and just peace in my soul. That I could let go of the dead, so that I can at long last LIVE. A proper life, a life of 'kesederhanaan'. Something that I thought was unlikely for someone with my history. And Alhamdulillah, I have seen a glimpse of it, and yes...it brings me peace. Im more at peace with myself now. I do not turn to my past life and I 'jaga' my halal and harams..(Insya-Allah)..Although I have not yet worn a hijab, nor can i fully recite the Quran and its meanings, I am still learning. And happy to do it. But yes, I lost so many of my 'friends'. So many people think I've gone weird. When i mention i would one day wear a hijab people cringe and ask "Whyyy???". It was terribly lonely at first and I asked one of my friends if she felt the way I did when she decided to turn to Islam and leave her past behind, She said "Yes, once you decide to embrace Islam, its teachings, its way of life..You'll have less and less friends, and yes it will be hard but know that those are not your real friends,the real friends are those who remind you to solat and talk about Islam and share knowledge and stories about the prophets." How true. Though my friday and saturday nights are uneventful and mundane, I am at peace. At least my soul is...and I'm happy. Finally, I'm home. I was brought up by my christian aunt, and though she never forced me into christianity it was always a happy atmosphere when raya or christmas was round the corner..I grew up not knowing Islam (only what i learned in school) and i was confused, so I never prayed, both my parents never thought me how (or instilled that I needed to) so i spend my days like any other clueless teenager; partying too much. My parents were divorced and I was often blamed for it, not pretty or smart to begin with, I blamed God. Jumping from one home to another, each side (mom and dads) would have something to say and they’ll drill into my brain just to make me miserable than I already was with accusations after accusations. The amount of “If only’s..” that I muttered over the years only brought on sadness, loneliness and confusion. I never wanted anything more but to die. But in retrospect, i had tons of friends. Well, if you can call partying buddies friends, that is. Then something happened. My beloved aunt who took care of me so lovingly after my family broke apart, fell ill and eventually died. I was so lost, more than I’ve ever been. Then I remembered that I had a ‘Mari Belajar Sembahyang’ book stashed somewhere in my room, and I started to pray (when she was first diagnosed with cancer)..it was tough, trying to understand the doa’s, bacaan, turutan, at times I had to do it step by step, with the book spread open before me with tears in my eyes because i’d sometimes forget what was the bacaan during ruku’ or at the tahiyat akhir. But Alhamdulillah, I managed to get it after all.

She passed away anyways, despite of my non-stop doa’s to lenghten her stay here on earth. A selfish thing to do, yes. But i was too scared to lose a mother and a father all at once. She was my entire world. Just as I was still in mourning, desperately trying to pick up my life, my younger brother passed away in his sleep. He was suffering from Polio since birth and would fall ill every other month until his body could not take it anymore.

Ya Allah..Maha Besar Dugaanmu. I cried until I had no more tears. I slept only when my body could no longer hold up. And during this troubled and traumatic ordeal, i questioned His actions. Why? Why torment me after having such a horrible childhood, the family fights and ‘perebutan harta’ amongst greedy family members, 2 deaths just 3 months from each other, I was ready to throw in the towel. To go back to being the bad girl, drown my sorrows in alcohol and give up.Just wait for death to find me.

But Maha Suci Allah, I found strenght I never thought i had. I prayed and ask for strenght, to ask for forgiveness and just peace in my soul. That I could let go of the dead, so that I can at long last LIVE. A proper life, a life of ‘kesederhanaan’. Something that I thought was unlikely for someone with my history. And Alhamdulillah, I have seen a glimpse of it, and yes…it brings me peace. Im more at peace with myself now. I do not turn to my past life and I ‘jaga’ my halal and harams..(Insya-Allah)..Although I have not yet worn a hijab, nor can i fully recite the Quran and its meanings, I am still learning. And happy to do it.

But yes, I lost so many of my ‘friends’. So many people think I’ve gone weird. When i mention i would one day wear a hijab people cringe and ask “Whyyy???”. It was terribly lonely at first and I asked one of my friends if she felt the way I did when she decided to turn to Islam and leave her past behind, She said “Yes, once you decide to embrace Islam, its teachings, its way of life..You’ll have less and less friends, and yes it will be hard but know that those are not your real friends,the real friends are those who remind you to solat and talk about Islam and share knowledge and stories about the prophets.”

How true. Though my friday and saturday nights are uneventful and mundane, I am at peace. At least my soul is…and I’m happy.

Finally, I’m home.

]]> by: cashy7377 http://sajakkini.blogsome.com/2005/05/25/the-closer-you-get-to-god/#comment-20 Thu, 23 Jun 2005 14:49:35 +0100 http://sajakkini.blogsome.com/2005/05/25/the-closer-you-get-to-god/#comment-20 One day God gathered all the souls that He had created on a great plain. Then He showed everyone the World and all its riches. Nine out of every ten souls ran towards the vision. Then He showed the remaining ones a vision of Paradise and its pleasures. Nine out of every ten remaining souls ran towards the vision. Then He showed a vision of the Fires of Hell. Nine out of every ten remaining souls ran screaming away, abandoning the plain as the others had done. Then He showed the remaining ones the trials and tribulations of life, the agony and pain of living. Almost all the remaining souls abandoned the plain. Then He looked at the few that remained, steadfast in their stance. "IDIOT SOULS - what is it that you desire?" "We desire only that we remain by Your Side, at all times," The bravest replied. "Know then that the Path to Me is fraught with the enticements of the World and of Paradise and that the horrors of Hell and the tribulations of Life would yet keep you away from My Side." - an old Sufi story One day God gathered all the souls that He had created on a great plain.
Then He showed everyone the World and all its riches. Nine out of every ten souls ran towards the vision.
Then He showed the remaining ones a vision of Paradise and its pleasures.
Nine out of every ten remaining souls ran towards the vision.
Then He showed a vision of the Fires of Hell.
Nine out of every ten remaining souls ran screaming away, abandoning the plain as the others had done.
Then He showed the remaining ones the trials and tribulations of life, the agony and pain of living.
Almost all the remaining souls abandoned the plain.
Then He looked at the few that remained, steadfast in their stance.
“IDIOT SOULS - what is it that you desire?”
“We desire only that we remain by Your Side, at all times,” The bravest replied.
“Know then that the Path to Me is fraught with the enticements of the World and of Paradise and that the horrors of Hell and the tribulations of Life would yet keep you away from My Side.”

- an old Sufi story

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