Sajakkini

“Remember when we were kids? Even at 20, we were more interested in making the grades at uni, making friends, travelling, than sex and drugs. At 15, we didn’t even know what sex was about. I hated boys then; they were noisy and stupid,” my sister, Liza, laughed ruefully.

My second sister and I came of age in the late 80s and 90s. Nora, being the youngest, is a 21st century baby, wise and very with-it, compared to her two decrepit sisters.

Like many of our peers, Liza and I grew up in a modern Malay household. Because of our East Coast roots, religion was, and still is a very important factor in our lives, but it wasn’t a hindrance to our lives when we were growing up. Going to a disco as it was called back then, was something you did after final examinations or to celebrate an occasion. It wasn’t a must to dance night after night in a disco, and back then, there weren’t club nights like how they have now with world-class DJs flying in and out of the country.

DINA ZAMAN’s supplier of porn ala Ops Skodeng is an old family friend that used to beat up the boys in the neighbourhood, and is now a happily married and hijabed mother of two. If you are reading this you perve, don’t send them to my office email. Porn-free email can be sent to this address:dina@malaysiakini.com.

We were young once

Back then, we attended… tea dances.

Only adults – working and educated ones – went to glamorous places like Scandals and Baze.

It was so innocent then.

If you did the sex and drugs, it meant that you were very, very bad. The most the boys did was smoke, and drank Bacardi Coke. If you went to day school, you met your crush at the bus stop or A & W in the AIA building. If you attended residential school, you wrote letters. If you did have sex with your girl/boyfriend, it was because of love and that one day you’ll marry each other.

My time, we hung out at the roller disco rink in Sungei Wang Plaza, and stood by the rink, trying to look cool. If there had been Jawi raids back then, it would have been to arrest us for wearing dodgy 80s outfits.

I was a sight – I had a mullet, wore a sleeveless black denim jacket and red leopard spotted leggings. I flourished that outfit with red ankle boots (clothes courtesy of Pertama Complex). I wasn’t as bad as a certain friend of mine though, who turned up at a tea dance in her mother’s black petticoat, trying to pass it off as a strapless dress. When and if we had permission from our parents to go out at night, it was after Isya prayers and everyone came home well before Subuh.

Friends with benefits

The dating culture in 21st century Kuala Lumpur (and some parts of Malaysia) has changed. What used to be underground no longer is, and yet despite the acknowledgement among the young that everyone does it, nobody really talks about sex openly. And even in the most permissive of circles tut-tut at the wanton promiscuity exhibited among the participants.

If before sex in its various guises was only for sophisticated city dwellers and the one or two debauched kampong folk, these days, even the rural or small town kids are getting into the act.

MP3s of tudung-clad women dry-humping their wiry boyfriends circulate via the email and backstreet DVDs. The Internet, digital camera and Ops Skodeng have created a demand for a different class of pornography: filem lucah orang Melayu. Once upon a time, naughty home videos were all about very naughty politicians and careless celebrities. Now – you ain’t seen nothing yet until you see a covered and innocent Malay girl getting it on with her Mat Rempit boyfriend.

Dating is no longer such a hard thing to do. Friendster.com, myspace.com, worldsexguide.info, even the personals advertised in the classified section of Klue – a Malaysian version of TimeOut magazine – are proof that if you want your itch scratched, there’s someone willing to do so. Prior to the late 90s, only dodgy ads like the mentioned were placed by gigolos and working girls. Now? It could be your young cousin that giggles whenever you talk about bras.

I’ve been told that friendship these days comes with extra benefits. Before, you’d view the closest friend of the opposite sex in a familial way. These days, if you have an understanding, you can sleep with each other. Better that, no, than a one night stand with a stranger; who knows where he or she has been?

Then there’s the drugs. My time, some people got stoned on pot and magic mushrooms. The more adventurous mixed aspirin with Coke. Now? It’s syabu, baby. Meth. E is passé. Marijuana is the beginner drug that you try when you’re 12. Coke? Ho-hum. If before drugs were the toys of the poor and destitute, these days, drugs are hip and enjoyed by the young, professional and affluent.

You feeling old now, sweets?

I heard a rumour

This Zouk thing.

If Jawi is to raid any club in the future, they should go the toilets because there’s a great crime being performed – people having sex in the loo. It IS a crime because there are some people needing the washrooms for genuine needs, like a good crap. You ever been in a shaking stall while you’re doing a number one? I don’t know which crime is worse: getting caught having a nooky, and getting caught with your pants down and knickers in a twist.

Jokes aside, folks, but if we don’t view the Zouk debacle in a more serious light, then we should take the next boat out and live on an island. The conservatives and liberals should view this as a metaphor of this question: what do you want Malaysia to be?

(It’s still being debated among the teh tarik crew – that the real reason why Zouk was raided was not because of it being the playground of young royals and celebrities, but because some people weren’t paid. Why Zouk? Why not other clubs? Ah-hah. The local taikohs weren’t happy with the Singaporeans muscling into the action, so alakazam, the raid.

The plot thickens. But this is just gossip, so don’t you go spread around this rumour. Masuk jail you know? Worse, a bullet in your head. By the way – I heard this from a friend of a friend of a friend who’s related to a friend who’s married to a relative’s great-grandfather).

At the ‘Enforcing Public Morality’ forum, organised by Liberal Forum Malaysia yesterday, Dr Siti Mariah Mahmud of PAS, Zainah Anwar of Sisters in Islam and Datuk Param Coomaraswamy, a former UN rapporteur, articulated their thoughts to a 300-strong audience. Questions and issues such as what public morality was, the role of the state policing society, the role of Islam in creating and strengthening an ummah, living in a plural society – many more were tabled out at the forum.

Judging from the response of the crowd, it was evident that Malaysians of all races welcomed the platform. Men and women put forth their views; for many, the chance to squeak was like being resurrected from the grave, and there were cries of disagreement and agreement. Cynical folks that we are, we thought during lunch: all this would be tossed aside once you got home.

In the meantime, the challenges will still stay. The rise and rise of HIV/Aids among heterosexuals, drug addiction, the increasing gap between the have and have-nots, the challenges faced by the young and their parents, these problems have been in existence for the last 10 years, and nothing concrete has been mooted.

Granted, some headway has been made, and we should not overlook that. However, we forget that time is not on our side, and before an epidemic or some societal explosion erupts, we need to stop bickering and start solving problems.

And how do you solve problems, Ms Smarty Pants?

By looking at the cold hard facts, and getting on with the job.

Talking too much gets nowhere.

Do you remember?

Nostalgia works only at gatherings among family and friends. It does not pay to shake our heads and say, ‘When I was young …’ While you’re nodding and reminiscing about the good old days, people are getting infected with HIV, especially young women. Information is bombarding the young and old, assaulting them with ideas and concepts at such a pace, they can’t absorb everything they confront. Technology is here to stay. If people are going to have sex, they are going to have sex.

We must also face this fact: this issue of the young is not just relevant to Muslims in Malaysia. Non-Muslim parents too face the same problems bringing up their children. It may seem that a fatwa to abolish Muslims from going to clubs and drinking alcohol is the best choice, so they would not expose themselves to ‘maksiat’. Perhaps.

Remember – what worries a Malay parent concerns a Chinese/Indian parent too. I have met a number of non-Malay parents that fret over their children’s well-being, and yet are helpless with the challenges the 21st century brings. Why must there be a division in matters such as public health and safety?

Raids are short-term solutions and all they guarantee are debates (that may end up nowhere) and resentment. You’re talking about a holistic exercise that will take years, and a lot of thought and empathy. You’re not building a shopping mall, with marked lots for boutiques and retail outlets. You’re dealing with human sensitivities, and when it entails religion, you’re walking a fine line here.

Parents need to ask whether it is they that wield the cane, or is discipline the domain of teachers and the state?

All said and done, PAS’s presence at the forum is to be lauded. Not many will agree with their stance, but the fact that Dr Siti Mariah is agreeable to a debate and meeting the public halfway is encouraging. I think many were expecting a KO between PAS and SIS, and left the forum surprised that the two women could agree to disagree civilly. (Men should take a leaf from their book.)

There is one thing that is niggling me as I write this: Dr Siti Mariah spoke about how Malay-Muslims have the highest percentage of HIV/Aids, drug addiction, committing rape and incest, and crime.

What does this say about us as the dominant ethnic and Muslim group in Malaysia?

I’m glad I’m old

A few weeks back I met Brother Yahya Adel Ibrahim, who had been invited by the Khalifah Insitute Malaysia to give a talk to young Muslims. Like Brother Moez Massoud, he’s an educator at the Australian Islamic College in Perth, Australia, and gaining popularity among the young and their parents for his moderate and progressive views on young Muslims and the challenges they face.

“The young are facing challenges not faced by us. Television, the media, kids are being bombarded by messages everyday. It’s information overload. And now teenagers have access to the Internet. They don’t even have to meet to have relationships. You can even have virtual sex too. All these are at their fingertips. Islam is ritualistic for many, and not a way of life. This is a Muslim issue everywhere.

“It’s not a matter of morality anymore. The young face clinical and psychological issues. We need solutions, not the moral high road.

“This is my personal opinion, and does not reflect educators elsewhere, but all of us should take an active role to do what’s right. Do right because it is right to do so. I’d rather, and I do have, be friends with moral and principled non-Muslims than immoral Muslims. What benefits could such friendships have to offer anyone?” he continued.

From time to time, I meet my old friends for tea or dinner. The hantus among us are now either covered up, church-goers or very active in community service. We laugh about old times, and the thought of even passing a club makes us want to faint nowadays. We can barely stay up beyond 10pm most nights.

Innocence lost

And we worry. We worry for our children, and our younger siblings. Even the most liberal of us get anxious: will he or she be fine? Is she walking alone in the car park basement? If there’s a raid, what do we do?

“It’s scary to know that there might be a day when I can’t even joke with my female friends and colleagues anymore. I know it’s innocent, but…,” a friend (who’s a supporter of PAS) remarked.

We wondered too, if the powers-that-be have forgotten what it means to be young.

“Aren’t you glad we’re old hags? We would not fit in if we are young now,” my sister said.

My nephew began his nightly performance of bedroom hysterics (”I no sleep! I play! No Mummy! Adoi… sakit lah…”), and had us in fits. Nora has been teaching him to speak in Tamil, and at four years of age, everything about him is cute.

One day, cute would be obsolete.

How old we are, how old