Sajakkini

Somewhere in my subconscious I know I have always been an anarchist. And now I know that I am an Islamic anarchist and that I am not alone. I cannot begin to tell you how much of a relief that is.

Maybe it is the way the course had been set for the river of my life. Perhaps as a result of not having strong father-figure types to latch on to during my formative years (the core of character, it seems, is forged by the age of seven), I’ve always had respect yet disdain for authority.

Contradictory? I don’t think so. On one level I recognise that some form of authority is necessary for human society to function, yet it is always healthy to be wary of anyone in a position of authority.

How can you not be? I have met honest leaders in my short life, but the number of dishonest ones far, far outnumber these. And in the midst of a society caught in the throes of blind materialism? The verdict becomes a foregone conclusion: vampirism rules.

RUHAYAT X is precisely the kind of man all nice Malay girls should go for. He’s also the co-founder and publisher of Neohikayat Press. Visit neohikayat.blogspot.com and support Malaysian literature.

What you smokin’ boy?

Once you’ve bitten into your first million (usually ill-gotten, particularly for MPs supposedly living on civil-servant salaries - which begs the question: what is the Umno Supreme Council smoking, really, whenever they say, “Show us proof?” Like a joke being told by Picasso, no one but themselves get it), the hunger for a hundred becomes insatiable. So get ready your stakes and garlic.

But then again, what’s the point? Corruption, I’m sorry to say, is a given in human society. Evolve any kind of community and you will find corruption within it eventually. More so in a world where ethics has become a museum piece.

So there is no point in trying to root out corruption in our current environment. Any politician - ruling or opposition - who comes out saying they are on a mission to stamp out corruption are either (a) lying through their teeth, (b) paying lip service in the hope of projecting a saintly image, or (c) hopelessly naive, which only makes the question of “Do you really want this abjectly clueless person to lead you?” even more poignant.

Happily ever after does not exist

This is not pessimism - it is realism. And it’s far better than optimism. People who raise their children as optimists are merely setting them up for major disappointment later on. I would even say you’re doing them a disfavour; the world is not some fairytale where the princess wakes up and marries the prince and they all live happily ever after; it’s full of princes lining up to rape you while you sleep blissfully for 100 years.

Optimists, contrary to what the stress experts say, are not people to be emulated. Going around thinking happy thoughts all the time is not exalted behaviour, it is a form of madness. A mental disorder that demands psychiatric treatment (preferably with electro-shock therapy, just for the hell of it, so that we can see if they’re still smiling after that. If they are, I’m sorry, Dorothy, but they need to be put to sleep.)

The net result of all this is why I’ve always found it bitterly amusing whenever some ossified alien turd masquerading as human politician makes noise about stamping out corruption. Give it up, already. Put on badly done make-up and a wig and some fishnet stockings, and get on some high heels so that you’ll totter and fall flat on your face as you walk towards the podium; at least you’ll actually be entertaining for a change.

So go ahead and be corrupt - it’s the only thing you’re probably good at. Just don’t get caught out, like a certain MB was these past couple of weeks. And then you’ll find yourself wearing out a whole shoe store trying to back-pedal your way out.

(MB: “We weren’t aware massive environmental damage was taking place.” Yesss, we all understand how easy it is to miss a huge piece of barren land the size of Shah Alam itself stretched out not 12 kilometres from your high-rise office window. Maybe when he looked out to stretch his legs after a hard day’s work he saw all that earth and innocently thought it’s just some kids clearing a new football field?)

People power

All of which is to say, actually, since we’ve run out of time, that I am all for the DAP’s call for the return of local elections. It’s in line with the Islamic anarchist philosophy: let the people govern themselves as they see fit. (And, I might add, let the central government eventually be nothing but a mere management company who earns a salary we pay them, if they do a competent job.)

Contrary to the braying that keeps coming out of the White House (the first most powerful black woman on the planet, what a disappointment she has turned out to be, and you still have reason to be optimistic?), democracy is not a one-size-fits-all fiction.

Not at the country level. Not even at the state or district level. We need to drill down even further, into the neighbourhoods. That’s where our real hope to minimise corruption lies.

It’s only when people can see and have to live through the immediate onsequences of their actions that they will learn to become responsible. If Putrajaya is indeed serious about its noble intentions, then this proposal will go through without delay.